(First published Times Online, October 20, 2009)
9 things I swore I would never say as a parent
Reading Expat Mum's list about Things I Say All the Time (including "sit down, you haven't finished eating" and "there are two types of vegetable on your plate, pick one and eat it") reminded me of all those things my mother said to me that I vowed I would never subject my kids too. Ha ha. That's one of the joys of being a parent - you can change your mind because you set the rules.
1. I'm going to count to three...: And then I actually do it. I actually do.
2. Come on or I'm going without you: This one has limited shelf life. Once my daughter realises that I can't go to school for drop-off without her, the jig is up.
3. If I have to tell you one more time...: I never finish this one. If I did, it would go, "If I have to tell you one more time, I'm going to give up, go pour myself a glass of wine and read my novel and you can stay up all night for all I care."
4. Because I'm the mum: It's incontrovertible, this one. But necessary in emergencies.
5. Where did you leave it?: This one works for both children and spouse. Invariably the answer is, under something, in whatever part of the house is least convenient.
6. Three more bites and then you can get down from the table: Admittedly this was a tougher edict when I was growing up - the vegetables were likely to be overcooked okra, iceberg lettuce or a horrific "vegetable medley".
7. I don't like this attitude, young lady: Always with the attitude. Bad attitude may win you a music deal or a reputation as the bad girl of the art world, but around the family dynasty, it cuts no ice.
8. This place is a pigsty: This one - unfortunately - can also apply to my bedroom, because deep inside I still harbour my own teenage illusion that clothes somehow hang up themselves.
9. What's the magic word?: Good manners are good and well, but I'd be better preparing her for the real world by teaching the magic phrases, which include "I'll be calling my solicitor", "I need it in writing" and "I'd hate for the press to get hold of this".
Source: TimesOnline
After 15 years of parenting so far, I would say that number 1 actually works! Depending on the situation I give my kids to the count of 3 or 5. I rarely finish counting.... What I think happens is that the child gets the chance to feel in control, if only for a few seconds. They can choose the point - between 1 and 3 /5 - when they'll react and do as they're told. It's win / win. Empowering for them and great for you, as they're doing as they're told.
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